A desire to be better than I am

I'm so Moody, I'm: The current mood of bluestarhalo@diaryland.com at www.imood.com

I fretted and fretted over finishing the first part of my story yesterday. I had the biggest headache afterwards too and I still didn't like it. So I gave up, figuring- finally, I have hit the writers block Wall of Hell like a train being driven by someone under the influence; fast and hard.

So I lay in bed and caught the last part of Radio Days on cable and if you haven't seen Radio Days, let's just say it's Woody Allen's lovesong to his growing up years. It's full of the 1940's- great old-time music, beautiful costumes and it's a wonderful snapshot of what it must have been like to grow up in New York before the war...

Anyway, so that helped ease my head a bit. I'm not sure it's the writing that brings on these headaches, it's probably just the concentration and the staring at of screens that does it. Or I have a tumor. One or the other.

Anyway, so I went back to re-write and for the life of me, I just couldn't get these people where I wanted them to be. And then finally it happened and I finally got it to a place I can be semi-happy with. But it was a bitch and I'm not sure anyone will ever appreciate that. lol

I guess if I were a little more lenient with myself I could have gone into more ghastly details but I'm not sure I'd want to be responsible for that. Oh well. I can still re-write, right?

Although now since I did what I wanted- finished part one before my trip, I am slightly sick of writing and I think I need a nice healthy few days off.

Or a day.

An hour.

Something.

I am seeing ROTK on Wednesday morning. 9:am is sort of early, but it's at the SUPER theater- the stadium, super-widescreen, seats 500 people theater. It's a really great place to see epic films. I'm just gonna get up and go. Screw ordering tickets on line. I figure if there are 500 people in this city that get up that early and go to the theater and beat me to a ticket, I can catch the next showing. Theres a bookstore nearby I can hole up in, after all.

I really need to go out and buy some things for my trip, but eh... I have no urge to spend money.

Yes, I know. I think I'm getting sick or something.

December 15, 2003 10:03 a.m.



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