Top Ten Things To Do, Now That You've Read Book 5 37.5 Times
10. Do you have a bad case of �Harry�s hair?� This 870 paged tome can squash your fro back to a mop-top.
9. Pull a �Gred and Forge� and set fireworks off in your house or school, attach the book to a particularly large firework and blast off! (Kids don't do this at home).
8. Play the �Harry Potter Butterbeer (Root beer) Drinking Game� while reading the book yet again. The Rules:
- Take one sip every time Ron neglects his prefect duties and Hermione chastises him for it.
- Take one sip every time an owl delivers a message.
- Take three sips whenever Ron actually does a prefect duty.
- Take a sip every time Harry�s angry. (In other words, all the time).
- Take two for every hem, hem.
- Take one for every prank (by the twins or Peeves only!)
- Take one for each time a teacher or Hermione mentions O.W.L s or studying.
- Take one for each time Neville fails at an attempt at magic.
- One for ANY mention of �Weasley Is Our King.�
- Sip thrice for every time Neville successfully performs magic.
- And lastly: Pinch yourself very hard if you spill any a drop on the book. (Heresy I tell you!)
7. When Christmas time rolls around, two copies of this fine literary work can open walnuts without all the hassle of nutcrackers.
6. Color bright pretty pictures all over the pages and THEN give it to your younger sibling. (Don�t actually do this, you Umbridge, you).
5. Make it its own little bed, place it right next to the air conditioner and knit it a Gryffindor scarf. Then yell at whoever tries to touch it�(In my defense, I wrote this late at night).
4. Building a house? Ran out of cinderblocks? This block-of-a-novel can take up the space (Especially good for bookstores that have too many copies and are looking to expand).
3. Like beef jerky? Just place a fine filet mignon under the novel, let sit for two weeks and presto: genuine jerky (New York cabbie-endorsed).
2. Annoying little brother/sister cramping your style? Are neighbors and friends always coming over uninvited? Book five can also be used as a handy-dandy doorstop (As seen of the TV show Friends� and Enemies of the Heir*).
*Viewable on Sundays at 6 o� clock on SBC (Slytherin Broadcasting Network), check your local listings.
1. Bar or Bat Mitzvah coming up? Or a big graduation speech? Are you too short to reach the podium? Have no fear: a �Phoenix� can lift you a further three inches from the ashes�