Yeah, I can think of better ways too.
Except for the great movies I've been watching, I've been having a hard time. Switching from blue to utter depression back to feeling pissed off and bitter. Needless to say I have not been myself this weekend nor in the best of moods.
It dawned on me that this is my 32nd year this year. That's 32 years of spending Valentines Day exactly the same way. Alone. That's 32 years of never having been kissed and never having been in a real relationship. It's 32 years of never hearing someone of the opposite sex say they love me. It's 32 years of feeling frustrated and sad and not right.
The only consolation I seem to take is the fact that it really hasn't been that long because I can discount the years of when none of that stuff mattered to me. Say the ages 1-10. But then I have childhood abuse to deal with during that time, so it's not exactly a comfort.
I'm not in the mood to be lectured.
Oh I don't know anymore. I mean, my job's ending. The future is uncertain. The world could end. People are dying. People are getting hurt. People outside this little world of mine with much more importance getting hurt. This country is being run by a committee of morons. This list goes on.
The feelings and fears of one little pointless person don't really matter much, I guess.
That doesn't make me feel better.
I don't know what to do.
I'm losing faith.