It's so odd to feel estranged from someone you never really knew at all. It's like a feeling that doesn't get completed. An action shot down in the middle.

Sometimes I think I'm just talking to hear myself talk. I entertain myself, a bit, so WTF? Who cares about anyone else?

I miss the old me. I didn't think I did, but I do. The old diary me. I think there have been some really good posts in this diary, but then again, I think there have been some fairly lame ones too.

I feel like two halves. One deep and emtional, the other empty and light.

I don't feel like talking about my fears all the time. Mainly becasue I'm older than the average diary writer and really, I've been there- done that. And mainly because I seriously doubt anyone would be interested. I'm letting the criticisms and negativity from the last diary work their way over here to this one, so no, I don't feel free to say what I want.. I don't feel ok with being accepted or not. Or whatever.

I'm a jumble girl.

Sometimes my brain moves too fast. It gets all abstract-y and most people can't follow it. So I always feel cut off because no one gets me. Or I feel like they don't and that adds to that feeling of emotional isolation. It's like a cycle. Vicious and with teeth.

Just gnawing at me.

I'm having a 'why do I bother' moment.

I'm sure, as with everything else, this too shall pass. It'll join the others on the side of the fence, watching the wheels go by and by. The ones inside my head.