Sometimes the hopeful optimist in me beats the crap out of the dreary cynic in me and I start to believe that love is possible for me and that any day now, around any corner, across any street I will find someone to be with. It's mostly on these days when I've been watching too many romantic movies.

What a terrible thing Hollywood has done to us. To expect roses when there aren't any and bells when none have been rung. We have dashed hopes before anything even begins.

And then sometimes I get so discouraged and I think and I look at myself and I know no one could ever love me, heck, I have a hard time loving myself half the time...Comparing myself to this person or that... 31 odd years of experience has taught me that no one will love me so I don't know why that stupid idiotic hopeful side even exists anymore.... you'd think she'd get a clue and die finally.. you know?

I feel old tonight.

Old and alone.

Go away Moon... you bother me.