There is something oddly comforting about rattling around your house at 3am. Listening to the rest of the world sleep. Where the only people up are you, the dog and the tv. At least that's what you tell yourself.

who cares that you're wandering around sucking down water and craving a cigarette after how many years? and all you want to do is turn off the porch light and dance in the backyard under the freezing stars because you know that would be better than what you are doing: surfing the net looking at silly things and missing things you never had to begin with.

I can't read anymore. I have no concentration for it. I start books and then they sit there. Un read and Un finished. Gathering dust in my purse or in my bathroom. I kick myself for not reading more but then I never do anything about it either....

my skin feels raw and washed harsh. I've been scrubbing at it for days. as though I'm trying to get rid of some touch or mark.... which doesn't make sense really, since I haven't been touched in weeks. My face is red and puffy. Probably having more to do with hormones than anything else but still it makes me feel unsightly and I hide my head underneath hair and sheets. Feeling lost and unattractive.

thank god for music because without it I think I would really go insane. It's a comfort as I sit here and type. It's a comfort as I rattle around at 3am, not knowing what to do with myself anylonger...