I want to thank everyone for the kind words in the guestbook and the letters and for the cards. (Laura!)It really means a lot. Although a part of me thinks it just makes me cry more. But then I'm noticing just walking around the house is making me do that too, so it's a no win situation.

I took a nap yesterday and woke up crying because I guess I'd been dreaming about my dog. I'm not sure. That's the worse feeling- waking up crying. And my eyes are so sore and my nose and my head just hurts. And late last night I went through her little box of toys and stuffed animals, to save what I wanted to save and I just couldn't do it. I just started crying...

And the worst part is is I didn't get to say goodbye to her and it just sucks you know, because if her old vet hadn't of been such an incredible idiot, this could have been avoided and we could of caught it in time and we could of had more time with her. And that's the part I can't seem to get over.

I need to get out of the house. I need to go someplace where I'm not thinking of her little face looking up at me or thinking about the sound of her feet on the kitchen floor. Because this is just.. this is heartbreaking and I didn't think it would hurt so much but it does. It does and it does and it does and now I know why people turn to drink when someone dies because I just want to not feel like this anymore. And this was just a dog, you know? A loving, sweet little dog, but still just a dog and it makes me wonder how I'm going handle someone like my mom or dad dying and ack. My brain. It gets in these loops. I'm sorry.

Anyway, thanks again. It means a lot.