So he sends me a letter. Except I don't read it. I almost delete it, but don't. I save it and download it for another time. Or maybe not at all. I haven't decided. I don't want to know what he wrote after earlier today. Maybe this is weak of me but I just can't handle his words at this moment in time.

and this moment will probably last my whole :::life::::

I'm thinking of this apartment I looked at in college once. Me and my best friend looking for a place to live together the next semester. How excited we were to finally be roomies again. I remember this apartment because it was so incredibly cool. It had these cool little half stairs that led up to this semi-loft area that I immediately wanted to be my room. And the carpet was white white white shag. Thick and deep. Like you could lose your pen in it and never find it. And it had a good smell. I mean, some apartments do NOT have a good smell, but this one did. It smelled like a baker had lived there. And it had these huge bay windows on the first floor that looked out onto some trees and I remember thinking to myself,"wow, that's gonna look cool when it snows."

We never got that apartment because it was a tad out of price range. But I think of it sometimes. It was in a small set of apartments. Not a big complex. I'm sure everyone knew each other there, like in the movie SINGLES or something. Maybe that's just me being romantic. I sometimes wonder how life would be different if we had decided to live there with that cool white shag and those cool half stairs and that cool just baked cookie smell...

Stuff like that? It can drive you crazy.

Stuff like not reading someone's email because you're tired of being hurt by words? It can give you a heavy heart.

Tonight I feel like my mind is a snowglobe and someone has it on permament spin.

watch out for falling :flakes: